Dialing for Dullards: Russian Mental Health Watch at the Alphabet Nets

CNN: The Collusion Nothing-Burger Network

(***ring ring***)

TRUMP: "President Trump here."
CNN: "This is CNN, Trump."
TRUMP: Could you speak up? These headphones I found in the Oval Office desk seem very used."
CNN: "This is CNN, and we demand that the Russia investigation continue despite the firing of the very honorable horrible honorable horrible honorable James Comey!"
TRUMP: "You mean the Russia investigation into Obama's hot mic promise to Putin to be more pliable after he fooled the voters?"
CNN: "No!"
TRUMP: "You mean the investigation into Obama letting Russia run wild in Syria because the Ayatollah ordered him to?"
CNN: "No!"
TRUMP: "Well, are you referring to the weeks when Russia took over the White House's computers and e-mail system, the entire Executive Office of the President, which comprises a good chunk of the executive branch, as well as the State Department’s computers while Obama yawned passively?"
CNN: "No--we know all about that because we helped hide the story!"
TRUMP: "Then do you mean Hillary's dangerous hi-tech transfers at Skolkovo?"
CNN: "No!"
TRUMP: "You mean Bill's half-million dollar speeches at Putin Savings and Loan in Moscow while Hillary was giving them our uranium?"
CNN: "No!"
TRUMP: "You mean John Podesta and his million-ruble business partner Vlad Putin at Joule Energy?"
CNN: "No!"
TRUMP: "You mean Tony Podesta lobbying for Sberbank sanctions relief?"
CNN: "No!"
Trump: "You mean when Gen. Flynn had lunch with Putin?"
CNN: "Yes! That's it! That's the one!"
TRUMP: "Okay."
CNN: "What?"
TRUMP: "I said "Okay". The investigation will go on."
CNN: "Uhh... We demand you stop this investigation at once!"
TRUMP: "And that concludes the call-in portion of my first live radio broadcast to the nation. Good night and good grief, America."


Anderson Cooper investigates his eye-liner frequently during interviews




 "Even my kids know," says Jake Tapper at CNN's Moscow Bureau--because they're all Moscow Bureaus.



Granny Clinton contemplates another snort run





In a little known side deal, Hillary also sold 20% of our Bond Villain Mini-Submarine fleet
to an unknown bidder.



"Who are these people, James?"
"They're the #VeryFakeNews Media, Pushy. And they're quite mad, you know."