Floppy Joe's Big Adventure

If Pandering is a Core Belief, Then He's Got Them!

The War on Speedos: It's part of the kink!

As callow youth just last week, we used to laugh at older guys who would grow a moustache, smoke a little pot and buy polyester bell-bottoms in an effort to act half their age.

Joe Biden is doing the political version of that dance. It is inauthentic, yes--but more importantly, it is the opposite of leadership. It is following the crowd. He's just another Pander Bear chasing the Dragon's Tail. But enough about the bribes China paid his kid.

Thoroughly Modern Joey wants all you Hep Kidz to know that he is all about the Trans-Gentlered. He swings with the Intercessionality, he's for paying Repartitions, he's up on the White Prevalence and he's down with the #MeAlso--movement. "And did I mention I marched with the Lion King?"

Whether it's groveling before Anita Hill, who he knows perjured herself, or rebuking the Hyde Amendment after a half-century or plagiarizing someone else's Green Dream or reversing himself to call Mike Pence--and by extension, half the country--"indecent" for having the same the view of traditional marriage that Biden himself held until a few years ago, the only Core Belief that Biden seems to hold is saying whatever helps Joe Biden.

Or maybe the old Biden was phony and this is the real phony Biden.

However, there is one principle Joe has held on to through thick and thin; he refuses to wear swim trunks in front of Secret Service agents. Joe is such a strong proponent of women in law enforcement careers that he skinny-dips for the female Secret Service agents just like he does for the male agents. "What part of 'Secret' don't you understand, sir?"

Nobody wants to see your core beliefs, Joe. If you can even find them anymore.

"Yes, Viktor--and we'll call it "$aving the 'Krianes"! These kids--they love the wildlife!"