MNN's Weakened Update: The Maple Leaf #Mooselini Edition

Manufactured News Network: “We Violate the Logan Act Before Breakfast!”

"Canada is now a dictatorship that has declared war on its own citizens for the crime of disagreeing with the Regime. But in a nice way."
--The Mammy-singing Massah

(Keev, Peeved) President Zelensky was overheard yelling in the presidential palace: "I'm in the middle of a world crisis--and they send me this little girl as some kind of campaign event? Okay, you can keep the billion this time–just get her out of here!"

That little girl was Kamala Harris. 

After the Administration pays President Zelensky for his baby-sitting services, Harris will be sent on her next assignment. MNN has obtained a copy of her orders:

"Your mission, Kam, should you choose to accept it, will be to stop Atlantis from attacking Wakanda. Vladimir Namor, the Sub-Mariner, is trying to secure the precious metal vibranium--a resource only found in Wakanda and in your nightstand drawer under the panties. As always, should you or any of your I'm Me!-Force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. Also of your name, your perfume, your memory--in short, we'll try to forget we ever even knew you, like so many people are already doing. This tape will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Kam. 

ps: Don't call us, we'll ca... just don't call us."

"Wakanda and my Vibranium Forever!"

(Tiananmen Square, Ottawa) Canadian history researchers were stunned recently to find rare photos of Justin Trudeau and his famous Communist father both wearing blackface:

(Chappaqua Wine and Spirits, NY) In other Dictator News, Hillary Clinton addressed the Democrat Party of New York yesterday. However, Ms. Clinton had to apologize to the group for being late, explaining that one of her staffers was leaking her emails and she had to put two slugs in his back.

(Tiananmen Square, D.C.) Psychologists in the nation’s capital are deeply concerned about the mental health of the Occupation Government and its’ various toadies, hangers-on, vegetarians with wilting beards, Bolshevik commissars (half gangster, half gramophone), earnest ladies in sandals, shock-headed Marxists chewing polysyllables, escaped Quakers, birth-control fanatics, Uni-Party backstairs-crawlers and Agit-Prop journalists.

“Evidently, Ukraine must be the epicenter of the Obama/Biden Syndicate’s money laundering, drug and human trafficking empire. It must also figure heavily in Soros’ plan to conduct a Color Revolution in Russia,” said Dr. Anna Falaktik. “It’s all they talk about. Ukraine, Ukraine, Ukraine. It’s not healthy,” said the shock therapist. 

“Why, just last night, I had to stop a group of excitable FOX and CNN anchors from running away from home, forming a Lincoln Project Brigade under Lt. Col. “Jellyroll” Vindman and his brother Lt. Col. “Tubbs” Vindman, the Double Minsk Twins, and going to Keev to take on Putin. Without makeup!”

Asking the tough questions!

(Ottowa, The Canadian Soviet Socialist Republics) Justin Castreau's STASI attempted to kill an elderly disabled woman today. She was found guilty of Peacefully Demonstrating for Freedom, which is a capital offense now in the newly-minted dictatorship, and punishable by horse-trampling until dead. Blessedly, she is a strong Mohawk sister and survived the Junta's attempted manslaughter.

ZUBY: "Just until we flatten the curve" 🇨🇦

If you hurry, you can still freeze her bank account and tow her wheelchair, you fascist fucks.

Canada can survive COVID, but not Castreau's Communism.

Manufactured News Network: "Pulling You From Your Truck To Beat Some News Into You!"