NEWS FLASH:
JUST IN...
BIDEN RANTS THAT VOTER I.D. LAWS PASSED BY TRUMP FASCISTS ARE PREVENTING HIS BODY DOUBLES FROM EXERCISING THEIR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS TO VOTE...
More:
Gov. DeSantis pulls out of attending fundraiser for NY Republican Lee Zeldin due to ‘Unforseen Tragedy” of taking money from the same Billionaire behind the Democrat Governor. This comes on the heels of another tragedy, taking money from the Koch Bros. along with Liz Cheney. Tragic, indeed.
 |
Tanked: Will Obey For Money! |
Breaking Now...
* FBI Tells US District Judge Aileen Cannon "Our warrant is as narrowly-tailored as Melania's underwear, Your Honor!"
In other Lingerie News, the Bureau revealed that after a lengthy, lengthy investigation, they had finally discovered Victoria's Secret: Victoria is, in fact, 50 years old, overweight and a man.
Victoria was then promoted to head the D.C. Field Office.
Trump-Appointed Judge Announces 'Preliminary Intent to Appoint a Special Master'
- Describes Mar-a-Lago Raid as a Political Attack
* In Desperate Bid to Retain Democrat Control of Senate, Mitch McConnell Says Screw It, Will Pull all Republican Candidate Funding and Buy Ads for Democrats Only.
China must first approve the new policy, however.
Pictured here: Mitch McConnell asks if he can carry Ted Kennedy’s barely-used jock strap around as souvenir of special, special time
* In Bizarre Hostage Video, Attorney General Merrick Gangland Blinks Out Message: "Only Night Janitor at DOJ Knew About Warrant!".
Also, in an effort to end the widely-hated practice of prosecuting Republicans only for alleged violations of the Federal Code, the Fake Attorney General proposed a solution: "We will codify two sets of laws, one for the Uni-Party and another one for you Trumpsters".
The new same-old policy will be known as "Jim Crow 2.0"."Are you now, or have you ever been, a Trump supporter?"
* Senator Tim Scott pleaded for calm in the wake of the Great Northfield Safe Robbery, saying "We need to let the process play out."
"That way, we can determine if our dictatorship is Nazi or Communist," said the senator.
In another stunning switch, gun control advocates also approved of bringing "weapons of war" to the President's house in case he got out of line.
* The Biden Occupation Government now claims that Student Loan Forgiveness was legal.
Dept. of Reeducation spokesthing Jen DerNeutral explained: "Those weren't really student loans. They were government transfer payments made to Communist professors, to be repaid by part-time baristas with Feminist-Cat Lady degrees while the professors take extended sabbaticals in Tuscany."
Prof. Larry Tribe of Harvard strongly disagreed with this assertion, posting a lengthy rebuttal on his website.
In Italian.
* On the heels of claiming most Americans were "semi-fascists" yesterday, Fascist Dictator Joe Biden claimed again today that most Americans had served in the Senate for far too long, took showers with their daughter, accepted bribes from China and were laundering money in Ukraine while building new Plandemic viruses there in their own Bio-Labs, an oddly specific set of allegations against Americans.
The FBI pledged to investigate the entire country.
"He made my Mario Karts run on time!"
* And in other Endless War News, the CIA pledged to keep shelling their previous Black Market Plutonium nuclear plant now controlled by Russia, in order to create another Chernobyl event.
"This is just our little way of welcoming Finland and Sweden into NATO. What's a little Strontium-90 cloud among friends? Sometimes you have to destroy the village to save the village," said CIA Spokeswoman Arnetta Peters.
Manufactured News Network: "You Just Want to Date Us!"
Brought to you by
No comments:
Post a Comment