MNN's Weakened Update

 With Your Anchor Huck King

"Sure, you can karate chop some little intern, Acosta--you want some of this?"

BREAKING NOW...

FBI AT MAR-A-LAGO SEARCHED BOY'S UNDERWEAR FOR SECRET WEAPON...

YOU KNOW, AS USUAL...

How Broken Is the FBI? Guess Whose Bedroom They Rifled Through Looking for Criminal Evidence, Hunter Biden or Barron Trump? (thegatewaypundit.com)

"Sorry, Barron--we might have stretched these out a little looking for Atomic Espionage."

The Feds were reportedly seeking "Nuclear Secrets", also known in layman's terms as "Obama's plan to give the Ayatollah warheads and ICBMs".

If found guilty of treason, Obama could be looking at another Nobel Prize.

However, the FBI is also investigating Hunter Biden for selling Chairman Xi a half-million-dollar refrigerator painting which shows Taiwan as a part of China. Also as usual.

“A time-honored method of taking bribes is having them paid to a family member, usually in exchange for nominal or nonexistent services. It is comical to watch “reporters” pretend not to understand this.”–John Hindraker

If found guilty on all charges, Biden could face up to nothing.

In other Crime Family News, noted fashion maven Jill Biden has designed crisp new uniforms for the Border Patrol.

"Can I get that extra-large bag of fentanyl for you, sir?"

The re-branding effort will also include a name change to "The Bellhop Patrol", if approved by the President's Council of Cartel Bosses.

(John Wilkes-Barre, PA) President Trump filled a stadium with tens of thousands of cheering semi-fascists here, while Great-Grampa Goering was unable to fill a tiny high-school gym. 

He did however conduct a lengthy examination of the school's shower facilities.

The Ukrainian Grift-waffe and the Ghost of Langley: No Honor Among Thieves

(A.C., D.C.) ReichsFuhrer Biden proposed a new Ukraine Funding Bill, which would finally send every dollar ever printed in the history of America to Ukraine.

"Let's just get it over with," screamed the crazy old coot. 

After critics said "he put the Hermann in German", Biden also apologized for the heavy Nazi imagery of his Philidelphia speech, saying "I would have never ordered the Invasion of France if only I'd known how strongly people felt about zis."

In Engineered Famine News, new Climate Payola Czar John Podesta (and former Putin Energy business partner) announced he will also open a new pizza chain called Domino's Dominions, Powers and Principalities Pizza.

Podesta, who oddly reappeared right after Biden's Moloch Speech, and even more weirdly, looks just like Gina McCarthy whom he is replacing, faced a copyright battle for the chain's name because satan had already copyrighted the business name "Dominions, Powers and Principalities" along with "Pfizer" and "Monsanto". 

However, the two old pals were able to work out a friendly agreement. The pizza will be free, but the delivery will cost you your soul.

In other Instant Karma News, Former Atty. Gen. Bill Barr has been arrested and charged in the disappearance of Chris Christie, last seen at the Lincoln Memorial. 

Police fear the suspiciously rotund Barr swallowed the former New Jersey governor whole. Charges include Capitol Murder, Witness Tampering and Obstruction of Breakfast Under Color of Hot Sauce.

“These charges are ridiculous,” said Barr’s attorney Maub Lowyer. “Bill Barr would never intentionally murder anybody not named ‘Epstein’.”

"So that Government of the Government, By the Government and For the Government might not perish from the Swam...say, are you going to finish that?"

Manufactured News Network: "Enviously Eyeing Roger Stone's Nixon Tatoo!"