MNN: Today's Headlines, Flapping in the Breeze or Twisting Slowly, Slowly in the Wind...
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| With your MNN Anchors Jim Panzee and Judge Elihu Smails |
White House Proposes Historic Election Reform to Codify the Crooked Status Quo
"We heard you, America," said White House spokesman Lou Ziffer.
"Elections take too long and are too complicated" said Ziffer. "Under our proposal, you'll no longer have to worry about long lines, malfunctioning machines or stuffed drop-boxes. From now on, all elections will be decided by Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Mitch McConnell and Kevin McCarthy. They will vote for you, and in the highly unlikely event of a tie, the tie-breaking vote will be cast by Acting Shadow Presidente-for-Life Barack Obama--you know, the way the Founders Intended(tm)."
The new system would simply formalize the current de facto system already in place, in which Republicans and Democrats just traded the House for the Senate while cheating voters out of their Landslide again.
The bill is called the "Let's Just Get This Damn Thing Over With and Quit Pretending Elections Are Real"-Act of 2022.
It could face a stiff court challenge, however, because it violates a previous Act of Congress entitled "All Bills Must Do the Opposite of Whatever their Names Claim."
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| Pictured here: America's Four Designated Voters discuss replacing Biden with Gavin Newsom after VP Harris' sadly unfortunate upcoming plane crash |
In other White House News, it was agreed at the G-20 Summit that China will be allowed to open a new Consulate to replace the spies' nest Real President Trump closed in Houston.
The new Chinese Embassy will be located in the Oval Office since Joe Biden is not allowed in there anyway.
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"I want you out of the Oval Office by noon, Joe." "Yes, Mr. Chairman." "Noon YESTERDAY. And, Joe..." "Yes, sir?" "Don't touch the jacket." |
NATO Announces New Targeting Policies on NATO Members
In light of the recent attacks on NATO members by the Biden Administration, including the bombing of Germany's gas supply line from Russia, the attempted strike on the TurkStream Pipeline and this week's missile strike on Poland, NATO members are now demanding pre-notification before being bombed by Joe Biden.
This demand was sparked by a recent hot mic incident wherein US ReichsMinister for Defense Lloyd Austin was caught saying he "sure would like to take a swack at Montenegro".
"In order to bring stability and predictability to the targeting of NATO members by Biden, we have instituted a targeting lottery we like to call 'Wheel of NATO'", said Secretary General Jan Brady-Stoltenberg, who is both a general and a secretary.
"One lucky member will be chosen each month for an American "sneak" attack and will pretend to be surprised. However, blaming it on Russia will still remain mandatory," said the former child star.
Wheel of NATO sez: It's Spain's Turn! Duck and Cover, mi amigos! |
"I resign; take my wife--please!"
In Business and Art News:
Noted Artist Hunter Biden was commissioned to provide this magnificent million-dollar portrait of the now-cancelled Fink-Yellen-Zelensky-Freid economic conference:
| Biden is noted for not using yellow. |
"Self Portrait"
Nancy Pelosi Announces She Will Not Seek Democrat Leadership Position, But Will Remain in Congress
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Meanwhile, David DePape announced he will remain in custody and will keep his big fat mouth shut if he knows what's good for him and he doesn't want the guards to disappear, the cameras to stop working and the lights to go out, also known as the Epstein Trifecta.
And Local Florida Man Ron DeSantis has pledged to take on and destroy the Swamp forever.
Unfortunately, he only meant the one behind his house.
Manufactured News Network: "We Have Information That Could Lead To the Arrest and Convic
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