BREAKING NOW...
(N.Y., N.Y., N.Y.) IN ORDER TO PROVE HIS INNOCENCE, MANHATTAN D.A. ALVIN BRAGG ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT HIS GRAND JURY HAS ALSO INDICTED NOTED CHILD-TOUCHER JOE BIDEN.
"I'M CHARGING HIM FOR SHOWERING WITH ASHLEY BIDEN, PAYING HER HUSH MONEY AND LABELING IT AS "HER ALLOWANCE".
"I'D LIKE TO THANK THE FBI FOR ASSISTING. IF THEY HADN'T KICKED DOWN THE DOORS OF REPORTERS AND CHARGED THE RENTERS WHO FOUND HER DIARY, I NEVER WOULD HAVE KNOWN THE STORIES WERE TRUE," SAID BRAGG. THE RENTERS WERE CHARGED AND COERCED UNDER A LITTLE-KNOWN PROVISION OF THE US CODE, "FINDING A BIDEN DIARY", A CHARGE RELATED TO THE BETTER-KNOWN CRIME OF "FINDING A BIDEN LAPTOP".
"IN HER DIARY, MS. BIDEN CLAIMED THAT SHE WOULD COME HOME LATE AT NIGHT TO AVOID SHOWERS WITH SOAPY JOE, SO I THINK WE STILL HAVE A SHOT AT THE STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS. THAT EXCUSE JUST WON'T WASH," BRAGG BRAGGED.
BRAGG SAID THE PRE-INSTALLED PRESIDENT WOULD BE CHARGED WITH "USING UP ALL THE HOT WATER", A CHARGE THAT CARRIES OF PENALTY OF FROM FIVE TO TWENTY DOLLARS.
ALL MAINSTREAM MEDIA OUTLETS PLEDGED TO CONTINUE DROWNING THE BIDEN #SHOWERGATE STORY, CITING THE PUBLIC'S RIGHT TO KNOW NOTHING.
AS FELLOW NEWS MANUFACTURERS, WE HAVE TO ADMIRE HOW THE #PROFESSIONAL LIAR-MEDIA MANAGED TO REPORT THIS STORY WITHOUT MENTIONING THE CENTRAL FACT OF IT: JOE BIDEN SHOWERS WITH CHILDREN.
THAT'S WHY THEY'RE THE PROS!
Actual photo by DavarEchad, 6:38 PM · Mar 31, 2023 --"For it is the day of the Lord’s vengeance, The year of recompense for the cause of Zion."--Isaiah 34:8
In other Regime News, Herr Direktor Chris Wray was asked by fictional reporters how much longer the FBI needed to look at the Hunter Biden Laptop, which they have had since 2019.
"I think that given another four or five years, we should be able to turn it on," said Wray.
The Direktor defended his agency from charges of Dual Justice under the OBiden Administration's system of Legal Apartheid:
"Everybody thinks we're protecting Joe Biden but that's simply not true. We're blackmailing him, like all the other hostile foreign spy agencies."
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Pictured here: Herr Direktor Wray thoughtfully sends his car service to Mar-a-Lago to assist the President in getting to New York and remembering how to testify right.
Manufactured News Network: "Brought to You by Bed, Bath and Biden!"
Hit the Showers: Our Previous Steamy #ShowerGate Reporting:
- INTERPOL LOOKING FOR THIS FROGMAN, SEEN LEAVING THE SCENE OF RECENT PIPELINE BOMBINGS:
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Have You Seen This Frogman? |
MNN BREAKING NEWS…FBI RECOVERS MISSING ASHLEY BIDEN DIARY PHOTO:
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MNN BREAKING…
Biden Appears Before Cameras Wearing Only Bath Towel and Small, Sobbing Child Clinging on His Leg To Call Speaker’s Race a “National Embarrassment”.
“You should do what I do and have your people rig your Election in advance. Everybody Knows That(tm),” said Der NippleFuhrer.
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Manufactured News Network: “An Iron Shower Curtain Has Descended Over America!"
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