MNN's Evening Noose

 with your MNN Anchorman Dutch Reagan

BREAKING NOW...

* SAN FRANCISCO TO HOST MEETING BETWEEN EMPEROR XI AND HIS COLONIAL GOVERNOR JOE SOMEBODY

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 Topics Not Up for Discussion Include:

How to Boost Human Trafficking Numbers and Fentanyl Sales, New Laser Targeting Sites beyond Maui and Additional Spy Ballon Flights. Also, the Emperor's Awesome Super-Power of Getting San Francisco to Clean Up its Filthy Streets Which They Won't Do for You, Only for California's Chinee Owners.

* STARTLING NEW POLL: 100% OF AMERICANS BELEIVE THE FBI HAS EARNED A GIANT NEW HEADQUARTERS BUILDING:

(artist renditions:)

(Poll taken by MNN and Special Answers(tm) Polling Solutions (SAPS). No Actual Likely or Unlikely Voters Interviewed. Margin of Error: plus or minus 100%)

* In Recovery News, Former Teleprompter Reader Barack Obama will enter treatment at the Bettima Fatima Clinic for his out-of-control Terrorist Funding- Addiction. 

"I can't help it. If I see a keffiyeh, I get an uncontrollable urge to invent another excuse to give the Taliban, Hamas and the Mullahs billions and billions of taxpayer dollars," he said. "My name is Barry and I'm a terro-holic." 

Obama famously beat his previous addiction; turning gay tricks in taxicabs for the CIA.

* And in Travel, Leisure and Entertainment News:

In a desperate attempt to cling to the delusion of semi-relevance, Gov. Chris Christie has requested an Israeli Travel Visa in order to insert himself into the conflict.

However, Israeli officials were forced to turn down the former governor's request after secret enemy plans were discovered to build a vast, sprawling tunnel complex under his fat ass voluminous posterior.

"We have no choice but to pre-emptively close the lanes of the Governor's Tunnel Authority," said a spokesman for Israel's Dept. of 'Hey--Can't You See We're Kinda' Busy Over Here to Be Babysitting Baby Huey Here?'.

Manufactured News Network: "Don't Be Afraid to See What You See!"