BREAKING NOW...
* WHITE HOUSE FINALLY LOCATES AWOL SEC/DEF LLOYD AUSTIN
The White House believes they have finally located the whereabouts of their missing Secretary of Defense.
"We can confirm that Secretary Austin is in the field and on the job, just as you would want him to be," said Administration spokeswoman Rose N. Berg. "The Secretary was last seen in Yemen, instructing our Yemeni Partners how to use those shiny new missiles we just purchased for them."
When asked if Sec. Austin shouldn't instead be in DC to protect the White House from pro-Yemeni rioters, Ms. Berg said "Those questions should be directed to the FBI. They're in charge of protecting all pre-scheduled Soros-funded Riots, just as they were during Operation: Desert Floyd and Jan. 6th."
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"Yes, that's right; 120 Pepperoni Pizzas, a pallet of Pepsis and a dozen mobile rocket launchers--we're not leaving here until these Houthi boys learn how to shoot!" |
Manufactured News Network: "Now With That New Electric Tank Smell!"
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