MNN's Propaganda Minute, Straight Up, No Chaser

BREAKING NOW…

* THE COLLEGE OF CARDINALS, LARGELY INSTALLED BY FRANCIS, CHOSE A PROMINENT AMERICAN CATHOLIC IN GOOD STANDING WITH LOTS OF TIME ON HIS HANDS TO DEDICATE TO HIS NEW JOB AS POPE

AFTER SUITCASES FULL OF BALLOTS WERE FOUND OVERNIGHT IN ATLANTA, DELAWARE’S POPE JOEY THE CHILDTOUCHER EDGED OUT ANOTHER AMERICAN CHURCH FATHER FROM MARYLAND

BUT IT WAS CLOSE

* OBSERVERS FIRST REALIZED SOMETHING WAS HORRIBLY AMISS WHEN CARDINALS MARIN AND CHONG WERE CHOSEN TO RELEASE THE WHITE SMOKE OVER VATICAN SQUARE

OFFICER

"...Smoke on the Tiber, a fire in the sky..."

* AFTER THE THOM TILLIS BLACKMAIL EVENT TO PROTECT THE PENCE/PELOSI PUTSCH-NARRATIVE, PRESIDENT TRUMP NAMED JUDGE JEANINE AS INTERIM US ATTORNEY IN DC

HOWEVER, IT WAS GUTFELD'S APPOINTMENT AS SOLICITOR GENERAL THAT REALLY RAISED EYEBROWS

* JUDGE BOASBERG OVERRULES CARDINALS AND NAMES SYRIAN LEADER AHMED AL-SHARAA AS FIRST MUSLIM POPE 

PROBABLY

POPE AL-SHARAA IS A FORMER AL-QAEDA TERRORIST, AN INCLUSIVE AND NURTURING WAR CRIMINAL, A CHILD PRODIGY SPELLING BEE CHAMPION AND SERVED AS OBAMA'S PERSONAL CHEF AFTER OBAMA KILLED THE LAST ONE

HE SEEMS NICE

ALWAYS THE BRIDESMAID BUT NEVER THE BRIDE, BOASBERG ALSO NAMED KILMAR ABREGO GARCIA AS VICE-POPE 

* THE ADMINISTRATION ANNOUNCED YESTERDAY IT HAD REACHED A "MAJOR TRADE DEAL", BUT IT WAS JUST BRITAIN

NEGOTIATIONS NEARLY BROKE DOWN WHEN PRESIDENT TRUMP INSISITED ON EXPORTING PRINCE HARRY AND MEGHAN MARKLE BACK TO THE U.K. AS PART OF THE PACKAGE

THE BRITS SAID THEY WERE DESPERATE BUT NOT THAT DESPERATE

THE DEAL WAS UNEXPECTEDLY SALVAGED BY NEW VICE-POPE KILMAR ABREGO GARCIA AFTER HE REMINDED PRESIDENT TRUMP "THAT'S WHAT THE ALIEN ENEMIES ACT IS FOR!"

Pictured here: known security threats being deported
to Perfidious Albion

Manufactured News Network: "Tarriff or Tariff, Pope Al?"