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| Pictured here: John Thune pledges allegiance to Kamala Harris |
* IN STUNNING MOVE, SEN. JOHN THUNE STEPS DOWN AND NAMES SENATE PARLIAMENTARIAN ELIZABETH MACDONOUGH AS NEXT MAJORITY LEADER
"SHE'S MAKING ALL THE DECISIONS AROUND HERE ANYWAY," SAID THUNE. "BESIDES, I'M BUSY WORKING WITH PAUL RYAN BECAUSE REPUBLICANS ARE IN DANGER OF WINNING SUPERMAJORITIES IN THE MID-TERMS AND THAT HAS TO STOPPED OR ELSE WE'LL NEVER GET TO IMPEACHMENT."
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| Pictured here: Harry Reid's Gun Moll Elizabeth Macdonough meets with Iran's Ambassador to America in happier times |
* JUDGE BOASBERG RULES THAT THE NICKNAME "MIDNIGHT HAMMER" IS THE PROPERTY OF ANTHONY WEINER AND THE IRAN STRIKE MUST BE RENAMED "OPERATION: GOLDILOCKS: IT WASN'T PERFECT"
BREAKING NEWS UPDATE:
* JUDGE BOASBERG OVERRULES SUPREME COURT, ALLOWS NIGHT COURT JUDGES TO CONTINUE ACTING AS ASSOCIATE PRESIDENTS
IN SEPARATE RULINGS, BOASBERG ORDERED DoD TO PROVIDE KILMAR ABREGO GARCIA WITH ENOUGH ENRICHED URANIUM TO BUILD HIS OWN BOMB
HOWEVER, IN A NOD TO THE MAHA MOVEMENT, THE JURIST ALSO ORDERED THE CIA TO GROW THIS YEAR'S OPIUM POPPY CROP WITHOUT UNHEALTHY PESTICIDES AND CHEMICAL FERTILIZERS
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| Pictured here: Judge B at the Skull & Bones Lounge |
Manufactured News Network: "Don't Make Me Pull This B-2 Over!"
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