MNN's Weakened Report

MNN BREAKING...

* TRADE TALKS BREAK DOWN AFTER CARNEY BALKS AT 1,000% TARIFFS ON CHINESE FENTANYL AND TRAFFICKED CHILDREN

"THIS WILL NOT STAND!" VOWS CANADIAN TRADE MINISTER PIERRE BOASBERG

Minister Boasberg in his Ottawa lair

* CARNEY SAYS HE WILL PROTECT CANADIAN AUTO WORKER JOBS FROM THE DICTATRUMP BY BUILDING TANKS FOR THE CHINESE FIELD ARMY STATIONED IN HIS COUNTRY

* FMR. FINANCE MINISTER CHRYSTIA FREELAND RECCOMMENDS HER "DONUT HOLE" STRATEGY FOR TRADE NEGOTIATIONS

IT WAS UNCLEAR, HOWEVER, IF FRAU FREELAND MEANT GOING AROUND PRESIDENT TRUMP OR ARRIVING EARLY AND EATING ALL THE COMPLIMENTARY PASTRIES

 Ich bin ein Berliner!

*  FRENCH AUTHORITIES HAVE ARRESTED NEARLY 400 PEOPLE FOR STARTING ZE "WILD"FIRES

HOWEVER, STILL NO ARRESTS AT THE FRENCH LAUNDRY

"Want your lighter back, Gav?"

* IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS, DISNEY IS RELEASING A WOKE BLOCBUSTER IN TIME FOR EID

"PIRATES OF THE PALESTINIANS" WILL TELL HOW GRETA THUNBERG'S GAZA FLOTILLA WAS TAKEN HOSTAGE FOR MONTHS BY LIBYAN PIRATES, BUT NO ONE CARED BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T BLAME ISRAEL

THE PART OF THUNBERG WILL BE PLAYED BY TUCKER CARLSON

"How dare Jew!"

CARLSON WILL ALSO PORTRAY THE 12TH IMAM IN THE FILM, WHICH HE CALLS THE ROLE OF A LIFETIME

"HE'S GOTTEN A BAD RAP. I INTEND TO SHOW HIS NURTURING AND INCLUSIVE SIDE," SNARLED CARLSON

Manufactured News Network: "I Will do a News Thing; Shall You Not See It?"