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"I was thinking, 'Joe, there's just not enough Baby Formula for my precious immigrant constituents, but there's sure is plenty of fentanyl.' It's kinda' weird, but there never seems to be a supply chain problem with it. And then the light went off. Or on--whatever. So today, I'm encouraging American parents to cut their baby formula with high-grade Chinese Fentanyl. A win-win for everybody! You're welcome, America, wherever you are!"
"And remember," he added forgetfully, "Fang-Fang Brand Fentanyl(tm) is totally not a weapons-grade chemical attack on the American Heartland. That's just crazy talk!"
Regulators were expected to rubberstamp Biden's proposal as soon as they come down and Pfizer can figure out how to put vaccine into the mixture also.
In other Health News, the Feddle Gumment is handing out Safe Smoking Kits containing crack pipes. Women, Minorities and Hunter Biden Hardest Hit.
Departing spokesliar Jen "Naga" Psaki denied it, calling it "a conspiracy theory", which is how they say "We got caught." In fairness, she wanted to go out like she came in, on the wings of a big fat lie.
Meanwhile, spoken-not-slurred Nanzi Pelosi has opened a House liquor store.
"This government may not be able to get formula to babies, but we can damn sure get scotch to Congress," Pelosi said. "Babies are also welcome to purchase their booze from Pelosi's Package Store & Ukrainian Deli, like it says in the Book of Matthew," she added.
Federal experts said the federal liquor will help take the edge off from the federal crack pipes.
| "Call me old-fashioned, but I was able to purchase all my crack pipes without any help from the Government," said one expert, on condition of anonymity. |
Manufactured News Network: "Democracy Dies in Darkness, Democracy Dies in Daylight--We Don't Care as Long as It Dies!"
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Brought to you by the prescient Public Health visionary Alice Cooper's 1973 "Dead Babies" Tour
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