News You Can Ooze!
* (Wuhan, Schmoohan) Dr. Anecedotal Franken-Fauci, Director of the Wuhan Murder Hornet Lab and Patented Medicine Emporium (Ltd.) is stepping down from his J. Edgar Hoover-like fiefdom at NIH, in a career spanning hundreds of millions of deaths, injuries, untold suffering and dollars.
Fauci plans to open a string of pop-up mortuaries in the fast-growing field of Death. He will serve as Head Mortician for the lucrative corporate enterprise. Just like his last job.
 |
| Pictured here: Fauci takes one last jab at killing Santa before Christmas by injecting him with a Luciferase-based NORAD Clot-Tracker |
* (Transylvania, PA) Democratic Senate candidate John Fetterman has proposed legalizing heroin and providing federal funding for safe injection sites in his living room and near every Big and Tall Antifa Hoody Store.
The proposal would also require federal prisons to release one third of all his dealers.
There has been no administration comment yet from the Big Guy's 10% Desk at the Fentanyl Protection Agency.
| Fetterman to face Oz in the Beanstalk State |
* (Wash Me, D.C.) The Biden Admenstruation has proposed sweeping new business regulations that would ban computer repair shops from taking laptops from people named Hunter Biden, hotels from renting them rooms, gun stores from selling them pistols and adult sites from uploading their videos.
However, when some people named Hunter Biden complained, the White House said they would still be allowed to work for Ukrainian gas companies, Chinese investment firms and sell their kid's refrigerator drawings at art galleries for a half-million a pop.
Senate Republicans objected bitterly to any limitations being placed on our Precious Free Enterprise System(tm).
"I call this one 'Monetizing the Delaware with My Unbearable Hotness'." |
Brought to you by Pfizer!
BREAKING NOW...
DOJ Suggests People Named "Hunter Biden" for Top Post
 |
| "Someone sent for a Special Master?" |
Manufactured News Network: "Between Murrow, Malachi and Mad Magazine!"
 |
Our Founder: "He put the "Mad" in "Mad Science"...but not the "Science"." |
No comments:
Post a Comment