MNN's Mourning Report

BREAKING…

BIDEN KEEPS PROMISE…WORLD IN SHOCK...

Senator Lindsay Graham calls for Robust NATO Military Response to the Nord Stream Bombings:

"An attack on one is an attack on all, and only a firm response will deter this kind of terrorism in the future," said Sen. Graham. "This bombing on Germany's energy supply by Joe Biden was an overt Act of War against Germany, so I call on NATO to attack the United States at once! The bombing begins in five minutes!"

 

The White House responded that Graham was in fact, a hysterical ninny, pointing out that Biden had evenhandedly sabotaged America's pipelines, too. 

"And besides, Joe Biden already declared War on America at his PedoHitler Speech last month in Philly."

Biden Calls and Praises Coast Guard Hero He is Discharging Over Vaccines

Former lifeguard Biden called a fellow swimmer yesterday to praise his heroic rescues during the hurricane.

However, the call soon took an unseemly and regrettable turn when Biden promised the Coast Guardsman that if he would just take the m-RNA Injection, Biden would make him Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, subject to Beijing's approval of course.  Biden also mentioned how female Secret Service agents enjoyed watching him swim without his Speedo.

“Alright–who wants to be first to rub the leg hair? Not all at once!”

However, when the sailor objected, Biden began calling him "Corn Pop" and challenged him to a knife-and-chain fight out in the parking lot, when the call was abruptly terminated. 

Obama Celebrates Historic Anniversary of Himself

"...although I prefer Chinese Sneak Attacks to Japanese Sneak Attacks." 

It's been a week since the island nation of Martha's Vineyard adopted its own "Remain on the Cape"- immigration policy, but that's not date that B. Hussein Obama is celebrating today. 

It Was the Day That Will Live in Enfamil:

"I have now been president or shadow president for longer than three-and-a-half terms served by Franklin Delano Roosevelt," said Obama. "Two of my own terms, another as Shadow President of the Permanent Government, kneecapping Trump at every turn, and now acting as Shadow President: Biden's Brain Edition. Frankly, I couldn't have done it without me."

"And I got more votes than Joe ever dreamed about," he added, unable to contain himself. 

Actual photo

Biden: "Don't Listen To Putin--He's the Big Doody-Face Fibber! Not Me !" 

Der NippleFuhrer: “We will work with our allies to get to the bottom of precisely what happened. Just don’t listen to what Putin’s saying.”

Biden continued: “Listen to what I’m saying. Today–not what I said in February. I was drunk. I mean, I was coming off a Tapioca/L-dopa/Viagra -bender. I have unprocessed rage over Ashley’s diary. Don’t listen to me–I mean, do, do listen to me! Not Putin! Me! Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

(“Agent Biden, Agent Biden; this is Soros Central Command. If you can hear me in your earphone, wave your hand now.”)

Criminals' Union Files Labor Board Grievance Against Fauci

The Amalgamated and Consolidated Career Criminals Union Local #4446 has filed a Labor Board complaint alleging that the murders and injuries committed by Dr. Fauci and Pfizer should be included in National Crime Statistics.

"We regular career criminals don't look nearly as bad if you add in all the brutal crimes of these medical criminals," said Union President M.S. Thurtine.

In related Crime News, Dr. Peter Dasak of the CIA front-group Eco Health was awarded another huge NIH grant to study coronavirus in Asian bats. When reached for comment, Americans said "You motherfuckers have done enough coronavirus studies on Asian bats to last a lifetime."

"There's a Global Demand for new Gain-of-Function Plandemic Viruses," said Dasak "that frankly, we haven't been able to meet due to supply chain issues ever since Putin shut down our Biden Bio-Labs in Ukraine. He's just awful, huh?"

Pictured here:
Facing impending retirement, Fauci takes one last jab at killing Santa before Christmas by injecting him with a Luciferase-based NORAD Clot-Tracker

The Obiden Regime's One Year Commemoration of Triumph in Afghanistan

The Mullahs of D.C. released this photo to celebrate the One Year anniversary of their Pre-Emptive Unconditional Surrender in Afghanistan: 

However, critics suspect the photo has been doctored since the rifle is not US Military-issue and the ice cream is not pistachio.

Manufactured News Network: "Speaking Truth to Power Bill!"