BREAKING NOW...
* BIDEN PROMISES A SMOOTH TRANSITION BY NOT SHOOTING PRESIDENT TRUMP IN THE HEAD AGAIN
* GERALDO THROWS UP IN MOUTH AFTER HEARING OF GAETZ NOMINATION
ALSO BEFORE HEARING
* THE ONION BUYS INFOWARS TO MAKE IT INTO INFOWARS PARODY SITE JUST AS ALEX JONES PREDICTED
THIS AFTER THEY SUCESSFULLY TURNED THE ONION INTO A PARODY SITE OF THE ONION
* POLLS SHOW KAMALA HARRIS SHOO-IN FOR CALIFORNIA GOVERNOR AS LONG AS SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO GET ELECTED
* GOV. NOEM TO HAVE A FEW WORDS WITH HOMELAND SPECIAL INVESTIGATIONS' SHARPSHOOTERS
PREFERABLY "YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT..."
* BIDEN TRAVELS TO SOUTH AMERICA HOPING TO PRESERVE HIS FOREIGN POLICY PRIORITIES SUCH AS TRAFFICKING WOMEN, CHILDREN AND FENTANYL
* ERIC HOVDE (R.), MARQUIS OF QUEENBERRY, IS SOMEWHAT CONCERNED THAT DEMOCRATS ARE STEALING HIS SENATE VICTORY
"IF THESE RUFFIANS PERSIST, I MAY BE RELUCTANTLY FORCED TO WRITE A MILDLY-WORDED LETTER TO THE GENTLEMANS' DEBATING SOCIETY."
* IN A TOUCHING HOLIDAY MOMENT AND AT THE URGING OF OBAMA, BIDEN SAYS HE WILL PAY IRAN $10 BILLION TO GET A GROUP OF AMERICAN HOSTAGES RETURNED HOME BY CHRISTMAS
THE HOSTAGES ARE SCHEDULED TO BE KIDNAPPED SOME TIME AROUND THANKSGIVING
Manufactured News Network: "Nominated by President Trump but We Didn't Want to Lose This Lucrative Gig!"
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