* JUDGE BOASBERG RULES MARK CARNEY THE WINNER AND CANCELS ALL FUTURE CANADIAN ELECTIONS AS "UNNECESSARILY DIVISIVE"
KING BOASBERG ALSO ISSUED ORDERS FOR THE USS HARRY TRUMAN TO RETURN TO HOME PORT, THE FED TO RAISE INTEREST RATES BY A POINT AND A HALF, THE SECRET SERVICE TO REINSTATE KIMBERLY "MACHINE GUN" CHEATLES AND CHINESE TARIFFS TO BE CUT IN HALF
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| Quite so! |
BOASBERG'S RULING NAMING THE NEW POPE IS EXPECTED TOMORROW
* A GROUP OF BLACK TREN DE ARAGUA MEMBERS HAVE SUED THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION TO PROVIDE THEM WITH HAIR STRAIGHTENING SERVICES WHILE IN CUSTODY
CHIEF JUSTICE JOHNNY CARTEL SAYS THE PRISONERS DIDN'T RECIEVE 'DOO PROCESS
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| "Leave me out of this, man!" |
* USS HARRY TRUMAN LOSES F/A-18 SUPER HORNET OFF OF DECK WHEN COXWAIN/COMMODORE JAMES E. BOASBERG ORDERS HARD PORT TURN IN MID-CRUISE TO RETURN SHIP TO AMERICA
"COXEY" BOASBERG CLAIMS HE WAS TREASONOUSLY ORDERED TO FLEE THE HOUTHIS IN ORDER TO PROTECT THEM BY AN UNNAMED HIGHER-RANKING OFFICER
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"Losing the F-18 was just a bonus. The strawberries, that's...that's where we had Trump. Oh, they laughed at us and made jokes but we proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with...geometric logic...that a duplicate key to the Clinton Servers DID exist!" |
Manufactured News Network: “No, no!” said the Queen. “Sentence first—verdict afterwards.”
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