MNN's Weakened Update

Manufactured News Network: “Democracy Dies In Harry Reid’s Crawlspace Like All the Others!"

With your host, Hank R. Mann:

* (Kabul, Obamistan) Today, the Biden Regime announced new Vaccine Mandates here.

"We have decreed that all Americans we abandoned behind enemy lines must be vaccinated if they are not beheaded or shot first. We've asked our Trusted Partners(tm) the Taliban to ensure that all Americans comply. To assist, we've given them a list of all American citizens and their suspected hiding places," said Biden staffer Kuklux Klain. 

"Message: We care about your health--and unless you're beheaded, you really don't have an excuse."

In related news, Congress is writing legislation that would close the Afghan Gun Show-loophole, which consists of the entire country.

* (Police Baton, LA) The Louisiana Dept. of Health ordered doctors and pharmacists not to prescribe Ivermectin unless they could match or beat the offer made by Biden's Big Pharma. "Frankly, their offer is in the Billions and I don't think you can match it," said Sec. Phillip N. Courtney. "But as a doctor, I have an ethical obligation to let you try."

In unrelated news, Gov. Edwards announced an unexpected Cayman Islands vacation.

* (New York City, NY) COVID whistleblower and ICU Doctor Mollie James says vaccine injuries and deaths in the VAERS system are undercounted by a factor of 100.

When reached for comment, Biden spokesman Abra Kadabra from the Bureau of Weights and Measures and Making Stuff Up said "I don't know how we could be off by a factor of 100. We use the exact same tabulation system to count votes, illegal aliens and Americans left behind in Afghanistan."

Dr. James: “I feel pressured not to use VAERS and many of my colleagues confidentially tell me the same. They are scared of the politics, of being outed, shamed, and ridiculed. It’s easy for a Doctor to lose their admitting privileges somewhere, and many know if they report something as a vaccine side effect they could lose their job. I just can’t believe what I’m seeing over and over again, and I’ve decided to come forward because this is such a silent crisis of public health, people have to know how bad things are and they need to know the real risks of the COVID vaccines. There is clearly an increased risk of strokes, heart attack, blood clots, autoimmune issues, arterial issues, and neurological issues associated with the vaccine that are not being tracked because politics is demanding that the vaccine be considered perfect. The risks go all the way up to death. People are suffering major adverse reactions and I have no doubt many are dying from these vaccines but we can’t discuss this openly without fear of political consequences. I have to speak out.”

New Yorker Nikki Minaj, noted runaway slave, was banned by Twitter for mentioning a friend's adverse vaccine reaction and making the outrageous suggestions that people should "pray" and "make their own decision". 

How dare she, really?

* (Sewer City, D.C.) Michael Sussman, the partner of Hillary/DNC lawyer Marc Elias was just indicted on charges from Special Counsel John Durham that he lied to FBI when he falsely denied representing the Clinton campaign while feeding the FBI and Media the fraudulent Trump/Alfa-Bank story.

However, a judge dismissed the charges, saying "All other overdue library book fines in this city are dismissed after five years."

* (Del Rio, TX)

Bill Melugin

@BillFOXLA

NEW: We’ve learned that the FAA just implemented a two week TFR (Temporary Flight Restrictions) over the international bridge in Del Rio, TX, meaning we can no longer fly our FOX drone over it to show images of the thousands of migrants. FAA says “special security reason”.

5:10 PM · Sep 16, 2021

However, the FAA said it was willing to reconsider if FOXLA would agree to conduct a drone strike on 10 civilians, including a US aid-worker, a 2 year-old named Malika and six more children, all for Joe Biden's PR needs to prove he's tough on ISIS-k. Fucking murderer.

* (Guatemala City, Guatemala) In a stunning rebuke to the OBiden Junta, the International Association of Banana Republics turned down the United States' bid for admission.

"Sure, we're a bunch of kleptocrats who steal elections and jail political prisoners, but even we have some standards. " said Col. Hector Harangue, in a 10-hour speech before a captive audience. "Frankly, we can't have a oppressive country with such a horrible human rights record hanging around, stinking up the joint."

* (Beijing, China) Gen. Li Zuocheng of the People’s Liberation Army issued a strongly-worded rebuke to his American counterparts today.

"All day long we get phone calls from America. It's not just Mark, either. Hollywood calls us up;  "Would you like us to censor this script?" "What actress should we hire?" Who am I, Harvey Weinstein?" asked the general.

"And corporations call: "What secrets would you like to have transferred?" "Would you count our votes for us?" Not to mention Biden's entire Cabinet: "Would you like control of our power grid?" "We want China to make 100% of our medicines." Frankly, it's too much," said Zuocheng.

"We're over here trying to take over the world and, instead, we're on the phone all day with Americans trying to surrender their country. My time is valuable and you need to respect that. And have a little self-respect, too, people. What the hell is wrong with you?" 

"Mark, don't tell anyone--but I think I'm suffering from Yellow Rage."