BREAKING NOW...
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* HERR DIREKTOR CHRIS WRAY ASSURED AMERICANS THAT GOVERNMENT STATISTICS MAY BE TRUSTED BECAUSE THE PHANTOM JOBS MISSING FROM THE RECENT JOBS REPORT WERE ACTUALLY THE CRIMINALS MISSING FROM THE RECENT CRIME STATISTICS
WRAY ALSO PROMISED THAT IN ACCORDANCE WITH DOJ POLICY, THE BUREAU WOULD NOT KIDNAP ANY GOVERNORS WITHIN 30 DAYS OF AN ELECTION
* IN RELATED NEWS, THE CIA SAYS IT IS SAVING TAXPAYER MONEY AND CREATING JOBS BY OPENING ITS OWN CAR DEALERSHIP TO PROVIDE TOYOTA TRUCKS DIRECTLY TO ISIS, THE HOUTHIS AND THE TALIBAN WITHOUT THE MIDDLEMAN (See dealer named "Farouk" for details. Your mileage may vary. Your story may vary. History in mirror is closer than it appears. It's the Lease you can do. MSRP: My Syria Racket Phail)
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| Ukrainian child orders Unhappy Meal |
* GEN. JOHN KELLY CLAIMED TODAY THAT ADOLPH HITLER ALSO WORKED AT A BERLIN MCDONALD'S DRIVE-THROUGH IN 1934, WHERE HE SERVED BLITZKREIG FRANCE FRIES TO KAMALA'S PLAGIARIZED BLACK GRANDMOTHER
KELLY THEN LEFT THE PODIUM TO ATTEND AN ACUITY INTERNATIONAL FUNDRAISER FOR 'UKRAINIAN NAZIS FOR FAST FOOD AND MONEY LAUNDERING BUT MOSTLY MONEY LAUNDERING'
* BIDEN SOLVES TREN DE ARAGUA GANG PROBLEM BY RENAMING THEM "TREN DE AURORA"
HARRIS: "I WAS RAISED IN A MIDDLE-CLASS PRISON GANG."
This newscast is sponsored by Committee to Re-Install Kamala This Year (CRICKITY):
“LOOK, SHE GREW UP IN A MIDDLE-CLASS FAMILY!!! HER MOTHER TOOK OUT A MORTGAGE!!! DON'T YOU GET IT ???"”
Manufactured News Network: "Jesse Owens Never Invented a Black Grandma When He Was Running!"
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