MNN BREAKING…
* BIDEN CONSIDERS PARDON FOR PRES. XI JINPENG FOR BRIBING BIDEN AND INSTALLING HIM IN WHITE HOUSE
“It’s not Xi’s fault. I made it too damn easy,” said China #1 Ho.
“For an additional $500k, I could name an aircraft carrier after you, sir.”
“That won’t be necessary, Joe. Just make sure to inject all your troops as we discussed.”
“Yes, Mr. President. How about $400k?"
* MIKE "30" PENCE RECIEVED THE WINSTON AWARD TODAY FOR SACRIFICING HIS OWN REELECTION VICTORY IN 2020 AND FORSAKING WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HIS POSITION AS PRES. TRUMP'S 2024 HEIR APPARENT, ALL FOR THE LOVE OF BIG BROTHER
“He gazed up at the enormous face. Forty years it had taken him to learn what kind of smile was hidden beneath the dark moustache. O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving breast! Two gin-scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself.
He loved Big Brother.”
* US STATE DEPARTMENT SAYS IT WILL RECOGNIZE STACEY ABRAMS AS GOVERNOR OF THE REPUBLIC OF GEORGIA
HOWEVER, BRIAN KEMP SAYS HE WON, AND HIS VOTING MACHINES PROVE HE IS THE ACTUAL LEADER OF THE SMALL EASTERN EUROPEAN NATION
WHICH IS WEIRD BECAUSE HE DIDNT EVEN RUN
Pictured here: Her Excellency with some of her voters
* NEW LEADER OF SYRIA ABU MOHAMMED AL-LANGLEY VOWS TO “FUNDAMENTALLY TRANSFORM” SYRIA, SAYING “THAT’S NOT WHO WE ARE.”
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| “…wut?” |
* THE DEPT. OF DEFENSE HAS LOCATED THE SOURCE OF THE MYSTERIOUS DRONES: HALF OF WASHINGTON DC BEING ON CHINA'S PAYROLL
"LET US KNOW WHEN THEY'RE OVER UKRAINE AND THEN WE'LL SHOOT THEM DOWN," SAID SPOKESWOMAN SAMANTHA NULAND. "THE PENTAGON'S DRONE POLICY CONSISTS OF TRYING TO STOP FOX FROM GOING ON AND ON ABOUT IT."
* PRESIDENT-ELECT TRUMP MAKES SURPRISE VISIT TO 51st STATE-ELECT CANADA
WHILE THERE, PRESIDENT TRUMP TRIED IN VAIN TO CONSOLE CASTRO'S LITTLE BASTARD, SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY OVER CANADA'S IMPENDING LIBERATION
Manufactured News Network: “Now Hiring!”
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