Manufactured News Network's WEAKENED UPDATE

MNN: “Democracy Dies In Harry Reid’s Crawlspace Like All the Others”

With Your Weakened Anchor Ajit Praup

MNN BREAKING NEWS…Hunter Biden Retroactively Registers as a Russian Agent Under FARA, the Foreign Agents Registration Act.

The Biden Campaign immediately released this statement:

“It’s now official; the man pictured in photographs of sex and drug abuse was an admitted Russian Agent. The bribery emails were written by a registered Russian Agent and the laptop computer was dropped off at the repair shop by a confirmed Russian Agent. This should put an end to this matter forever.”

Comrade Bidenoff noddin' off

In other news, all of Official Washington is bracing for the mandatory amphibious SWAT assault on Jack Dorsey’s house for Lying to Congress.

Pictured here, Dorsey demonstrated to senators how to pick your nose with a nose-ring

Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg testified that he censored the Hunter Biden Bribery story because an mysterious unidentified FBI agent code-named "Chris Wray" warned him it might be Russian election meddling and election meddling is the job of American Intelligence and Big Tech monopolies.  

Everybody knows that. 

* (Tidepod,VA) After Contracting Virus, Gov. Northam Mandates New, Larger Masks for All Virginians

* (Mogadishu, MN) In a preview of what Democrats would like to do nation-wide, Islamo-Communist  Atty. Gen. Keith Ellison used COVIDCONTROL as an excuse to forbid Trump supporters from gathering, even as he encouraged mobs of rioters to burn down Minneapolis. 

President Trump: “I want to thank the thousands of people out side who were barred from entry by radical Democrats. You are American patriots. Thank you very much. When large numbers of rioters and vandals sacked the city of Minneapolis earlier this year, Keith Ellison did not ask them to submit a permit. He told the throngs of violent demonstrators, ‘by all means, exercise your First Amendment rights'. He said that they ripped down your city. Keith Ellison sided with flag-burning extremists over law-abiding Americans. He treats you like second-class citizens. He believes that the pro-American voters have fewer rights than anti-American demonstrators. Keith Ellison and Joe Biden want to imprison you in your homes while letting anarchists, agitators and vandals roam free as they destroy your cities and states...We're not just running against Sleepy Joe; we're running against the arrogant far-Left political class. They want one set of rules for you and none for themselves.” 

"How can I be a wife-beater? I never married the bitch!"

* (Lost Wages, NV) Chief Justice John Roberts has signed a multi-year contract to headline at the essential casino Caesar's Palace with his background singers, The Obama Judges. The nation's top judge will do a variety act including stand-down comedy, vaudeville voir dire, the usual dog and pony show, the old soft shoe, male-pattern baldness, Deep State puppetry, church closings, judicially-assisted vote fraud and his famous wicked impersonation of Ruth Bader-Ginsburg.

Suspect last seen in a sweater stolen from the Perry Como Museum on the Strip.
All suspects are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Or the Supreme Court.

* (Gramps Rabid, MI) Gov. Gretchen Whitmer will host the next meeting of the NDGKGA, the National Democrat Granny-Killer Governors Association.

"Even though half the national cause-of-death statistics are phony as hell, all of our unnecessary nursing home deaths are as real as the pennies on Nana's eyelids," said the governor. "We're just proud that we could help get those numbers up."

Entertainment will be provided by Whitler-Weight Free-Style Boxing Champion of Michigan, Jaydon Hayden.

WhitmerCare!

The Governors' Special Achievement Award For Unresolved Mommy Issues will go to some mentally-ill guy in a dress who We're All Supposed To Pretend Is Normal, Like A Scene From "The Emperor's New Gender". At least he didn't kill his own mom, sending her to a luxury hotel before he locked up other people's parents in COVID Acres Rest Home. 

"If only your grandparents had committed violent crimes, we could have released them from custody!"

* In Sports News, there is no Sports News--it's all Hard-Left Politics. Except for this, which is just... American:

Bobby Orr and Brett Favre agree--Herschel and Jim Brown,too: 

"Fore More Years!"