Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Why Johnny Can't Learn

Dear Teachurz,

Little Johnny here.

My mommy says you cost her a day's pay today. She said she's going to send you the bill. Mommy says I was going to get a new bicycle but now we can't afford it.

Mommy says your day off with pay means I will have to stay in school an extra day instead of starting my summer vacation. You say Trump is mean, but I think you are mean.

Mommy says your Women's March is hysterical. What is Hysterical? Oh, here it is:
1. an uncontrollable outburst of emotion or fear, often characterized by irrationality, laughter, weeping, etc.
2. a psychoneurotic disorder characterized by violent emotional outbreaks, disturbances of sensory and motor functions, and various abnormal effects, from the < Latin hystericus < Greek hysterikós, suffering in the womb, hysterical (reflecting the Greeks' belief that hysteria was peculiar to women and caused by disturbances in the uterus).

That sounds about right.

Mommy says you non-essential workers will be back in class tomorrow to propagandize me about your heroic moral stand against the Man. I don't want to be propagandized.

I just want to lurn.
And someday, I'll be as smart as Mommy.

Sinncerly, Senseerly, Sincerearly, For Sure,

Little Johnny, member, Future Patriarchs of America

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