***CNN BREAKING NEWS UPDATE*** PRESIDENT HID BEHIND CHILDREN FOR SECRET MEETINGS WITH PUTIN IN MOSCOW

"We've Really Got Him This Time!"




"This...is Си-эн-эн!
We interrupt our regularly-scheduled program for a CNN Breaking News Update."

"Anderson Cooper here, "reporting" for CNN."

"We're awaiting yet another felony leak from John Brennan unnamed current and former officials. We are told it will prove conclusively that the President had multiple surreptitious meetings with Vladimir Putin in Moscow." 

"Let's bring in my colleague, CNN's Kate Bolduan, to yell hysterically at anyone who suggests our reporting is anything less than the Pure, Sweet Voice of Reason and Truth.
Kate, what have you got?"

 

"Well, Anderson, we put in an order for a leak that would implicate the children, so we're hoping this will bust the Back-Channel Conspiracy wide open, throwing the Electoral College vote into doubt, resulting in Hillary Clinton being swept into power by mobs of hooded goons we hope to incite."

"Yes, our Democracy demands it, Kate. Now, when you say "Back-Channel", do you mean like the Kennedys' had? Or the back channels Obama had with the Ayatollah for his entire presidency and even when he was just a candidate?"

 

"Anderson, you're going off script here. You're losing the thread like Wolf Blitzer at a Jeopardy Tournament. Focus, man, focus!"

"Can I say something?"

"No. Let's bring in our future CNN colleague Shepard Smith now.
What can you tell us, Shepard?"

"Thanks, Anderson. We're all just waiting for Brennan's email, which, based on the conference call we all had with Valerie Jarrett earlier this morning, will show Putin disguising himself as a tourist to meet with the President. That conclusively proves the guilt of all the conspirators, and especially the President of the United States.
It's a wonderful tragic and historic day for our nation, Anderson."

"That kind of top-notch hysteria is why you'll soon be working at CNN, Shep."

"Thank you, Anderson. And when I accept my Pulitzer, I'll mention all the little people such as yoursel...[*"You've Got Mail!"*]...Here it is, Anderson! The evidence of the Vast Criminal Collusion between Putin and the White House that will bring down an American President!

 Finally! The proof we've all been hoping praying manufacturing waiting for!"

"...What the..."


*CLASSIFIED PHOTOGRAPHS* PROPERTY OF US GOVERNMENT *TOP SECRET*

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE TO ALL MEDIA OUTLETS

BY ORDER OF J BRENNAN EXDIRCIA

THE PRESIDENT WITH PUTIN

"Uhh...nevermind, people. We're experiencing, uh, technical difficulties.
This is Anderson Cooper for DNC...I mean, CNN, signing off.
We now rejoin Jeopardy in progress." 

"What is "A Psychological Black-Op and Unrelenting Agit/Propaganda Campaign waged against the American people" for the whole works, Alex?"

"You're not really as dumb as you seem, are you, Blitzer?"