MNN BREAKING…
* FIERCE INTERAGENCY SQUABBLE BREAKS OUT AFTER MAR-A-LAGO SHOOTING
FBI CLAIMS GUNMAN WAS ONE OF THEIR TRUSTY MUSLIM FALL GUYS, WHILE CIA CLAIMED HE WAS ONE OF THEIR UKRAINIAN EXTREMIST FALL GUYS. HOMELAND INVESTIGATIONS CONTRADICTS BOTH, CLAIMING THE GUNMAN IS ONE OF THEIR OWN PATENTED LONER/FURRY FALL GUYS.
ALLEGED LEADER THUNE WILL HOLD SENATE HEARING "TO DETERMINE WHICH AGENCY SHOULD GET THE CREDIT"
* JUDGE BOASBERG RULES THAT, AS THE LEADING DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, KILMAR ABREGO GARCIA IS ENTITLED TO ALL THE TARIFF REFUND MONEY
* POLLS SAY 55 PERCENT OF AMERICANS BELEIVE THE GUTHRIE CASE WILL BE SOLVED SOON, BUT FOX NEWS WILL STILL SUCK
HOWEVER, 81% WERE SURPRISED TO LEARN FBI STILL INVESTIGATES CRIMES, NOT JUST POLITICAL OPPONENTS
"THE PROBLEM IS THAT SHE IS AN OBAMA GRANNY" SAID BUREAU SPOKESMAN PAT C. FALLGUY. "NOW IF SHE WERE A TRUMP GRANNY, WE WOULD HAVE FOUND HER THE NEXT DAY"
* DEMOCRATS PLEDGE TO BRING BACK BIDEN'S 20% INFLATION RATE BECAUSE "AFFORDIBILTY"
* AMERICANS IN SHOCK AFTER GOV. TIM WALZ FAILS TO SHOOT ANY POLITICAL OPPONENTS THIS WEEK
PROBABLY
Manufactured News Network: "Make Me!"
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