Wednesday, July 6, 2016

The Top Ten Differences Between Hillary Clinton and Thomas Jefferson!

"It's a lot easier for the base to get itself a new elite than for the elite to find itself a new base."--Mark Steyn

It's time to choose a New Elite and Pres. Obama wants to help us--by selling us the same old, tired New Elite we've had for years.

Some Revolting Truthiness at Truth Revolt:

"“There has never been any man or woman more qualified for this office than Hillary Clinton,” Obama said."

"EVER!" he added. Wow--that's an impressive claim!

"Don't mind me. I say things."
Barack Hussein Obama says George Washington was not more qualified to be president than Hillary Rodham Clinton. Winning our Independence and then going home, he was a general who refused to seize power for himself. Except for Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus, a rarity unheard of in World History.

I can easily see her nobly refusing power like that.

"Oh, no, he d'int! He compared us, really?"
She's clearly the equal of the dead broke Thomas Jefferson, after he got his six million dollar advance for writing the Declaration of Independence.

"Don't lump me in with the wench--I don't know her."
She's every bit as prepared as James Madison; he was just the "Father of the Constitution" and the Bill of Rights.

She's the wife of "The Bill of Wrongs".

"I know not of her either, Thomas. Good DAY to you, Madame!"
Lincoln, seeking re-election after delivering the Gettysburg Address, freeing the slaves and saving the nation was not more prepared than Hillary. How many frequent flyer miles did Lincoln rack up?

"You mean...I could have gotten paid for this speech?"
Like Lincoln, Hillary also saved a nation. Libya. For ISIS. They go there on Spring Break now.

Killing Khadafy was supposed to be her first campaign commercial. Funny, she never brags about Libya anymore, or the 3am phone calls she ignores.

We need not even discuss pikers like Andy Jackson, U.S. Grant, or Dwight D. Eisenhower--the Battle of New Orleans, Appomattox and D-Day all pale next to Hillary's military accomplishments.

"You must be joking!"
"I am indeed."
Did you know she once took incoming sniper fire on a Bosnian tarmac? We think they got Sinbad instead, because he's disappeared. Here's a photo of that soul-searing day spent at death's doorstep:

I hope she filed a PTSD claim. The kid, I mean.
Obama said "any man or woman"--that means she's as ready to serve as Dolley Madison, who famously saved George Washington's portrait, fleeing from the White House a step ahead of the marauding British.

Hillary also famously fled the White House with the valuables in tow--only she never brought them back.

"Quickly, before Hillary realizes she missed something!"
Perhaps this assertion by Obama needs more historical investigation. There are of course many, similarities between the Founders and the Clintons.

For example, Washington survived a portentous plot in the Conway Affair. And Bill Clinton once had an affair in a Port-o-Potty at a Conway Twitty show. But there are also differences. Ergo,

The Top Ten Differences Between Hillary Clinton and Thomas Jefferson!

10.) Jefferson sought to nullify the Alien & Sedition Acts.
With Hillary, they're not an act.

9.) Jefferson grew tobacco, his main cash crop.
Hillary grew government, her main cash crop.

8.) Jefferson attacked the World's Top Superpower--and beat their pants off!
Hillary attacked top supermodels after Bill beat their pants off.

7.) When Jefferson found his mail was being opened, he invented the Wheel Cipher to keep it safe.
When Hillary found her e-mails were being opened by hackers, she invented the 3pm nap. To go along with her 3am sleep-through-the phone-call nap.

6.) Jefferson made the Louisiana Purchase for 15 million dollars in government funds, doubling the size of the nation.
Hillary purchased Louis Vuitton with government funds, gave speeches for 15 million dollars and helped double the size of the National Debt.

5.) Hillary changed the name of the Jefferson-Jackson Day Dinner because she's ashamed of them.
Jefferson and Jackson refuse to have dinner with Hillary because they're ashamed of her. You never see them together, do you?

4.) Jefferson stayed at the White House after winning in 1800.
Hillary charged $1800 per night to stay at the White House.

3.) As Olde America began to wear under the Tax Bill, Jefferson wrote the Declaration.
Hillary once declared Bill's old underwear a tax write-off.

2.) Jefferson owned slaves.
Hillary Rents-to-Own.

and the Number One Difference Between Hillary Clinton and Thomas Jefferson:

1.) Jefferson is on the nickel.
Hillary never made an honest one.

Your Bonus Clinton/Jefferson Differences:

Jefferson fought and won a war against the Barbary Pirates, the Radical Islamic Terrorism of his day.
Hillary is one Bribery Pirate, fighting against those who say "Radical Islamic Terrorism" today.

Jefferson contributed tobacco, a foundational crop in Virginia.
Hillary hates tobacco--until Jefferson made a contribution to the Foundation.

Hillary said "At this point, what possible difference could it make?"
Jefferson said "We pledge our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor."

And that has made all the difference.

"I'm Too Big to File!"

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