When I Grow Up, I Want to Be a Night Janitor For the Federal Gumment

Hey, It's an Important Job;

They get to sell uranium to Putin at the State Department and file FISA wiretap applications at the FBI!

(via the Donald)

Dear Diary and the New York Times,

I just remembered something for a change; President Trump obstructed justice!

I was talking to my beach friends and it all came back to me. 
It was at a party. I remember hiding in the drapes. Lewandowski held down 
one of my arms and Jim Acosta held down the other one, 
while Trump obstructed me over and over again. 

It made my skin crawl. 
More than it does usually, I mean.

I'll never forget the laughter. It's seared--seared-- into my hippokam...hypo...hippa...memory.

Hold me. Hold me now.

--Professor Director Jim Comey-Ford

UPDATE: Highly Confidential, Secret and Personal--Release to All Media Outlets At Once!

"All of us should use every breath we have to make sure the lies stop... I understand the Democrats have important debates now over who their candidate should be, but they have to win. They have to win."
--Jim Comey to Democrats, 2018

"All of us should use every breath we have to make sure the lies stop... I understand the Democrats have important debates now over who their candidate should be, but they have to win. They have to win."
--Jim Comey to Democrats Strzok, Page and McCabe, 2015
…

Muh RUSSIA spent $4,700 on Facebook. The FBI spent $160,000 on Steele's Fiction.

That means Comey meddled in the election 33 times more than Putin did.