Thursday, April 13, 2017

Rule #1: Never Compare Anyone to Hitler--Except Republicans

Rule #2: If You Break Rule Number #1, You Vill Show Me Your Papers, Please

"Guten Morgan, boys und girls. Reichsmarschall B.Hussein Tehrani here.
As you know, Herr Spicer really goose-stepped in it recently."

"He made an innocent remark contrasting one blood-thirsty dictator with another,
and my loyal, leg-humping #LeniRiefenstahl Press Corps twisted it into something bad.
As everybody knows, only Democrats are allowed to make Hitler analogies.
Why? Because It's Different When We Do It(tm)."

"For instance, The Washington Post, the New York Times, CNN and MSNBC to name but a few
all routinely refer to President Trump as Hitler. And don't even get me started on the #Bushitler Years.
No, Hitler references are Property of the Democrat Party and our #FakeNews Division, and may not be used without our express written consent--in the original German."

"Mussolini comparisons are okay, however."

"Now let's see how I compare to other notable rogues and dictators."

"Nein--no resemblance there."

"Again, no resemblance."

"There is Freedom of Speech, but I cannot guarantee freedom after speech."
--His Excellency, President-for-Life, Field Marshall, Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC,
Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth, Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire
in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular

"Eat-y Amin? I don't see it."

"Ah--now that's more like it."

"Hey...wait a minute..."
"Okay--that's it! This is getting out of control! Verboten! Verboten!"

"I don't care if you compare to my hero Che, but the Joker is too much."

"For a psychopath, Che was kinda' cool--just like me!"
"Sorry, Polly; there's no crackers in Venezuela.
Everybody's eating out of dumpsters--except at the Presidential Palace."

"Many have compared  me to my el Jefe. Remember when I went to Cuba?
I tried like hell to keep from re-enacting the iconic photo below--Raul almost blew my cover!"

"Funny thing is, I met with Fidel while I was there--yet I didn't get one question
about our secret meeting from our #HeroicTellersOfTruth in the Press Corps.
Nobody even asked for the photographs of our meeting. It's kinda' odd, huh?"

" this some kind of Ted Kennedy comparison?"

"Okay--this is going south on me again! Who's writing this, anyway?
But since you asked: Mary Ann." 

"And speaking of Lowly Females and hausfraus, I would appreciate it
if you didn't compare me to Confederates like Jeff Davis, John Wilkes Booth and Hillary Clinton."

"By the way, Granny Clinton asked that you not compare her to Maj. Klebb of the KGB."

"Still She Persisted(tm)!"

"And please don't compare me to the Marlboro Man."

"Or Colin Kaepernick, either."

"Okay, let's review the rules, kids;
Democrats can call Trump "Hitler" and Republicans "Nazis" all day long,
but Republicans are not allowed to even use an analogy,
or we will rain down the Faux Outrage on them like the Polish Blitzkreig!"

"This is Reichsmarschall B. Hussein Tehrani bidding you "Auf Wiedersehen!" 
--but let me add one observation before I go: 

At least Hitler never gave Heavy Water to the Grand Mufti...

...the way I gave Uranium, missiles and money to a bunch of blood-thirsty, Holocaust-Denying Mullahs in Iran."

"Just sayin'." 

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