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| "Even though Iran is building nukes with our money and half the country is out of work, I think we can all agree; the most important threat we face today is people saying things without getting my permission first. It must be stopped. Lives are at risk." |
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| "Bipartisan legislation is making its way through Congress and Silicon Valley needs to censor stuff I don't like. It's imperative that leaders in both the private sector and the public sector step up to censor anything I deem to be "fake news". How 'bout a show of hands if you're with me, Congress?" |
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| "That's better. How 'bout you, private sector? Do you reject fake news, too?" |
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| "Very good, private sector--who did not cheat and give me the answers or collude with my campaign in any way. Now, let's see a show of hand by those opposed to my federalized Fake News Suppression Squads..." |
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| "Um....okay. Nevermind. I have to go now. I have an sudden appointment downtown." |
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| "No, no, no...please don't make me go up the elevator and see him!" |
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