BREAKING NOW...
* DEMOCRATS DENOUNCE TRUMP "BUNNYGARCHY" LED BY UNELECTED EASTER BUNNY
A very Happy Easter from the White House! 
* CONGRESSWOMAN VOWS NOT TO RETURN FROM EL SALVADOR UNTIL 2028 DEMOCRAT PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE AND CONGRESSIONAL MEDAL OF HONOR WINNER KILMAR ABREGO GARCIA IS RELEASED
"My message to President Bukele is let's not rush this thing. Let's take our time and get it right," said Democrat Rep. Maxine Dexter, from cold, clammy Oregon, now on permanent paid Moral Grandstanding Vacation in a low-crime tropical paradise, after being recently enabled to vote from anywhere.
This is Holy Week for Democrats as they make their pilgrimage to the Holy Shrine of the Prophet Trafficker Kilmar, Peace be Upon Him.
* AFTER FALLING IN A VAT OF TRUTH SERUM, JUDGE BOASBERG RULED THAT PETE HEGSETH MUST STEP DOWN OR ALLOW THE CABAL TO BORROW THE MILITARY TO OVERTHROW PRESIDENT TRUMP FOR "DEMOCRACY"
IN AN UNRELATED UNSIGNED OPINION RELEASED TODAY, THE SUPREME COURT SCHEDULED AN ART. 1 TATOO REMOVAL SESSION FOR HEGSETH, CITING THE BECAUSE CLAUSE
"Hegseth's Jerusalem Cross is all about White Nationalism, but my Gang Ink is all about Love and Community," said the Bullet Train Billionaire
| We the People, Ink. |
* "LOOK AT THIS FACE--IT'S THE LAST THING POPE COMMIE EVER SAW," SAYS J.D. "KILLAH" VANCE, AS A WARNING TO OTHER CABAL LEADERS. "I CAN COME VISIT YOU, TOO."
NAZI BOND VILLAIN KLAUS SCHWAB IMMEDIATELY RESIGNED IN DISGRACE
INSIDERS SAY THE NEW, TOUGHER VANCE IS MAKING A STRONG PLAY FOR THE 2032 NOMINATION, AFTER PRESIDENT TRUMP'S TERMS ARE OVER
* PRESIDENT PUTIN VOWS TO END THE WAR BY DEFEATING THE CIA AND RETAKING ODESSA
ALSO MIDLAND AND CRAWFORD
* "IT'S ON!": GAVIN NEWSOM GETS A NEW MS-13 KILMAR TATTOO TO KICK OFF 2028 CAMPAIGN, WITH CATCHY NEW SLOGAN: "Where There's Smoke, There's Newsom!"
* HOMELAND RELEASES PHOTO OF KRISTI NOEM'S PURSE-SNATCHER
BE ON THE LOOKOUT
UPDATE:
* JUDGE BOASBERG ORDERS BEELZEBUB TO TURN AROUND LONG BLACK TRAIN TO UNDERWORLD IN MID-TRIP AND RETURN MISTAKENLY DEPORTED POPE TO VATICAN
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| Pictured here: Judge B at the Skull & Bones Lounge |
* DEMOCRATS PUSH FOR NEW STUDENT LOAN PROGRAM CALLED "KILMAR LOANS", NAMED AFTER NOTED MAFIA LOANSHARK JOEY LOANS
THE PROGRAM WOULD HELP IMMIGRANT CHILDREN LEARN IMPORTANT LIFE SKILLS, SUCH AS HOW TO DRIVE 8 ILLEGALS ACROSS COUNTRY IN A SMALL CAR, HOW TO DRESS FOR GANG-CESS, HOW TO BUNDLE DRUG PROCEEDS IN LARGE, ROUND WADS AND HOW TO BEAT THE WIFE WITHOUT DAMAGING THE GANG TATS ON YOUR KNUCKLES
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| Pictured here: Lifelong Syndicate Gangster meets with Habitual Criminal Mobster --you decide which is which |
* TRUMP ADMINISTRATION ANNOUNCES VICIOUS AND SHOCKING NEW POLICY THAT PEOPLE SHOULD PAY BACK CAR AND HOME LOANS, TOO
Manufactured News Network: "Cataloging the Many Crimes Committed by Chief Justice Johnny Cartel from the Darkness of His Deep Court -Lair!"
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