BREAKING NOW...
* REP. ILHAN OMAR SAYS THE NEXT AYATOLLAH SHOULD BE A MENTALLY CHALLENGED ILLEGAL ALIEN WOMAN OF COLOR WITH SOME GOVERNMENT EXPERIENCE, PREFERABLY SOMEONE WHO NEEDS TO FLEE TO IRAN BECAUSE OF POLITICALLY MOTIVATED INVESTIGATIONS INTO HER FINANCES
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| "Taxi!..." |
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| “I’ll do it. I will need a $hundred billion for Day Care, though. ” |
* MILLIONS OF TUCKER CARLSON'S NICOTINE PATCHES WERE JUST STOLEN--AND YOU THOUGHT HE WAS CRABBY ALREADY.
CARLSON'S ALP POUCH HAS OFFERED A $100k REWARD FOR THEIR HIJACKED TRUCK
IN UNRELATED NEWS, THE MOSSAD UNEXPECTEDLY ANNOUNCED THEIR OWN "NICODEMUS" LINE OF 72 VIRGINIANS BRAND(TM) NICOTINE POUCHES
* JUDGE BOASBERG RULES THAT NICOLAS MADURO MUST BE TURNED OVER TO THE QUALITY LEARING CENTER SO HE CAN RECEIVE THE SAME SOMALI ATISM TREATMENT THAT WORKED SO WELL FOR JOE BIDEN
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”I’ll see you in Cogitive Behavioral Therapy class, Nick–oh, and Hunter asked if you could front him an eight-ball until he sells some more artwork.”
* GERMAN STUDENTS ARE PROTESTING ANY EFFORTS TO DRAFT THEM FOR THE RUSSIAN FRONT, AS POLITICIANS SEEK TO REJOIN THEIR UKRAINIAN NAZI ALLIES ON THE BATTLEFIELD JUST LIKE ZEE GOOD OLD DAYS
"WE'RE TIRED OF UKRAINE HOGGING ALL THE GOOD CANNON FODDER DEATHS--WE WOULD ALSO LIKE TO SEE GERMANY'S YOUTH DIE FOR BLACKROCK AND EMPIRE, " SAID GERMAN DEFENSE MINISTRY SPOKESMAN SHICK L. GRUBER
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| "You vill go to zee Eastern Front just as your great-grandfathers did and you vill join Keir Starmer's Rent Boy Brigades there... and you vill like it! |
I KNOW NUZZINK
* UKRAINIAN DICTATOR AND CHARLIE KIRK'S KILLER VOLODOMYR "Z-BAG" ZELENSKY HAS THREATENED TO KILL PRESIDENT VIKTOR ORBAN FOR VETOING BILLIONS IN UKRAINE FUNDING, JUST AS A PRESIDENT CHARLIE KIRK WOULD HAVE VETOED BILLIONS IN UKRAINE FUNDING
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| "Me, me, me." |
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| "Okay--which one of you losers shall I bomb first?" |
Manufactured News Network: "What's Your Hurry, Furry?"
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