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* THE BRITISH GOVERNMENT TODAY PUSHED BACK AGAINST CRITICS OF BAIL FOR THE AIR BASE TERRORISTS
"OF COURSE WE HAD TO RELEASE THEM. OTHERWISE, THEY WOULD HAVE MISSED THEIR KNIGHTHOOD CEREMONIES AT BUCKINGHAM PALACE," SAID ROYAL SPOKESMAN MOHAMMED MOHAMMED MOHAMMED, WHO ASKED THAT YOU NOT REFER TO HIM BY HIS MIDDLE NAME
"THE KING ALSO WISHES TO PRESENT EACH OF THEM WITH THEIR VERY OWN SCOTTISH TEENAGER," SAID MOHAMMED BOB, GINGERLY
IN COMPLETELY UNRELATED NEWS, MI6 SAID IT WAS SEEKING MORE SEASONAL WORKERS FOR THE AMERICAN MID-TERMS
* PM MARK CARNEY URGED CANADIANS NOT TO FRET ABOUT THE ECONOMY
"DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR PRIME MINISTER--I'LL BE JUST FINE. MY FAMILY AND INVESTMENTS ARE IN THE U.S., " SAID CARNEY.
"AND IT ONLY TOOK 25 YEARS TO APPROVE OUR NEW "BUY CANADIAN" LNG PIPELINE, MADE WITH THE VERY BEST CHINESE STEEL, WHICH, INCIDENTALLY, I'M ALSO INVESTED IN. BUT REMEMBER--IT'S TRUMP'S FAULT OUR STEEL PLANTS ARE CLOSING!"
JUST THIS WEEK, CANADA MURDERED AN 83 YEAR-OLD GRANDMOTHER THROUGH MAID, MEDICAL ASSISTENCE IN DYING. SHE PROTESTED HER CHRISTIAN FAITH AND TOLD THEM NOT TO KILL HER EVEN AS THEY INSERTED THE NEEDLE. DOCTORS SAID THAT HER OBJECTION TO BEING KILLED ONLY PROVED HER COGNITIVE DECLINE
"WHEN I SAY 'BUY CANADIAN', I MEAN BUY CANADIAN ORGANS AND BODY PARTS," CARNEY ADDED
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"Glad to finally meet you, Mark. They call me "Ice Cuba" and I'm dating an astronaut." "That's nice, Ice. I'm dating Xi Jinping." |
Manufactured News Network: "We Said It, but You Were Thinking It--or Should Have Been!"
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