The Top One Hundred Reasons Hillary Lost!

The Cry of Every Adolescent: "It's Not My Fault!"

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Is that what you meant?"

No, it's not your fault, Hillary.

Everybody knows your defeat couldn't possibly be because of the corruption, the bribery, the perjury, the obstruction of justice, the dereliction of duty, the sheer incompetence, the lack of vision, the grifting, the smearing of Bill's victims, the charities fraud, the extremism, the failures, the bald-faced lying to voters or endangering our agents and our top secrets.

It simply must have been caused by something else, such as:

WikiLeaks
FBI leaks
Depends leaks
Bad hair decade
Moon in the second house, Jupiter aligns with Mars
James Comey's letter and his cabal of Alt-Right FBI agents--even though Comey gave the Clintons a pass for selling pardons, gave Hillary a pass for leaving all our secrets on an Internet Park Bench and even though Comey's brother works for Hillary's attorneys.
Democrat computer analytics program
Global Warming
Racism
Sexism
Ageism
Obama's passive aggressive frenemy support
She didn't work hard enough, according to The Hardest Working Man in Che Business.
Saturday Night Live
The Electoral College
The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy
Google, who didn't outright block negative searches on Hillary, only manipulated them in her favor
Fox News
Wardrobe malfunctions
The Iran Deal
The Uranium Deal
The Russian Reset
The Gambia Gambit
Billy Dale
Dale Rogers
Trigger
Trigger Warnings
Global Warming
Islamophobia
Homophobia
Xenephobia
Zena, Warrior Princess
Hydrophobia
Phobe-ophobia
Arachnophobia
Baracknophobia
The Sum of All Phobias
Carlos Dangerphobia
Putin
"internalized misogyny" by self-hating female Trump voters
Demographics
Polls
Lithuanians
Czechs
Balances
Lutherans
Phony News stories on Fakebook, even though Fakebook did everything possible to drag Granny over the finish line.
Global Warming
It's the Stupid, Economy
Bitter Clingers
Wall Street
The One-Percenters
The Five-Percent Solution
The Twenty-Percent Uranium Solution
Robots
Free Speech
The US Code
The Florida Recount
Gravity
Solar Flares
Her voice
The hot sauce in her purse leaked
Pneumonia
Influenza
Dehydration
Exhaustion
Wal-Mart
The Media was biased against her--no, hear me out--because she was just so AWESOME that they held her to a higher standard.
Her staff
Donors didn't give enough
Bernie Sanders
You. You let Hillary down.
The Bilderbergs
The Paranoid Style, in which conservatives are held culpable for Castro's boy Oswald
The NRA
The NSA
Men having to hold their urine because they are denied the use of women's bathrooms
Zionists
Scooter Libby, who got a special prosecutor for 1/1,000th of Hillary's crimes
Hillary's winning appearance on "Who Wants to Be a Bribery Billionaire?"
Talk Radio
fluoridation
Bush Derangement Syndrome Trump Derangement Syndrome
Karl Rove Steve Bannon
Dick Cheney Mike Pence
Haliburton The Trump Organization
Ken Starr Rudy Guiliani
Dr. Phil
Dr. Oz
Doctor Feelgood
ObamaCare
The Russians
Alcoholism
Global Warming
Broken Glass Republicans
The Glass Ceiling
The Glass Slipper
The Noon Martini Glass
Citizens United in Saying Things Without Hillary's Pre-Approval
Bosnian snipers
The Bush Tax Cuts
and, of course, that dull, waxy yellow build-up, the heartbreak of psoriasis and ring around the collar.

The Hardest Working Man In Show Business

The Hardest Working Man In Che Business




The Hardest Working Model Prisoner of the Year, 2017

Also Global Warming.