We interrupt our regularly-scheduled program for a CNN Breaking News Update."
|"Anderson Cooper here, "reporting" for CNN."|
|"We're awaiting yet another felony leak from |
|"Let's bring in my colleague, CNN's Kate Bolduan, to yell hysterically at anyone who suggests our reporting is anything less than the Pure, Sweet Voice of Reason and Truth. |
Kate, what have you got?"
|"Yes, our Democracy demands it, Kate. Now, when you say "Back-Channel", do you mean like the Kennedys' had? Or the back channels Obama had with the Ayatollah for his entire presidency and even when he was just a candidate?"|
|"Anderson, you're going off script here. You're losing the thread like Wolf Blitzer at a Jeopardy Tournament. Focus, man, focus!"|
|"Can I say something?"|
|"No. Let's bring in our future CNN colleague Shepard Smith now. |
What can you tell us, Shepard?"
|"That kind of top-notch hysteria is why you'll soon be working at CNN, Shep."|
|"Thank you, Anderson. And when I accept my Pulitzer, I'll mention all the little people such as yoursel...[*"You've Got Mail!"*]...Here it is, Anderson! The evidence of the Vast Criminal Collusion between Putin and the White House that will bring down an American President! |
Finally! The proof we've all been
*CLASSIFIED PHOTOGRAPHS* PROPERTY OF US GOVERNMENT *TOP SECRET*
|"Uhh...nevermind, people. We're experiencing, uh, technical difficulties.|
This is Anderson Cooper for DNC...I mean, CNN, signing off.
We now rejoin Jeopardy in progress."
|"What is "A Psychological Black-Op and Unrelenting Agit/Propaganda Campaign waged against the American people" for the whole works, Alex?"|
|"You're not really as dumb as you seem, are you, Blitzer?"|