CNN BREAKING NEWS: TRUMP SECRETLY MET RUSSIAN AGENT THREE TIMES DURING CAMPAIGN!

Wolf Blitzer Reporting:

"This is Wolf Blitzer with a CNN Breaking News Update. CNN has obtained exclusive video footage
proving that Donald Trump met with known Russian agents during the campaign, despite repeated denials by the President at his news conference yesterday. We can now say conclusively that..."

"Wolf; Anderson Cooper here.  Could I add something?"

"Most of our viewers say you don't, Anderson. As I was saying, we can now conclusively say that candidate Trump met secretly with known Russian agent Hillary "Babushka" Clinton or "Bribe-Me Granny",
as she is affectionately known around the Kremlin."   

"Here is the video from their first clandestine meeting on September 26, 2016."

"They secretly met again on October Ninth. Notice that Clinton is wearing red--in October!"

"They met surreptitiously again on October 19th. The White House insists these meetings were in fact,
"Presidential Debates", but CNN cannot independently confirm that
unless the DNC spoon-feeds us a press release."

"The New York Times reported that Mrs. Clinton--"Agent Babushka", if you will--took in millions and millions in emolument dollars at the Clinton Foundation Thrift & Grift
from all parties in the Russian Uranium Deal
while the decision to approve the Russian deal was sitting on her desk."

"In fairness, Clinton claims that she assigned the Uranium Transfer approval to a low-level janitor at the State Department, and thought the papers she signed were for new office drapes, not to transfer 20% of America's uranium to Vlad Putin--a simple oversight that could happen to anyone running a billion-dollar Bribery Empire."

"In just one example, during the approval process, her husband "Dollar" Bill Clinton
gave a speech to a Russian bank for the sum of a half-million dollars,
probably the Highest-Paid Speech in the History of the World.
But I'm too lazy to Google it."

"I'll take 'What is The Most Expensive Speech in History? ' for $500,000, Alex."

"CNN has also obtained proof that President Trump's ties to these Russian agents
go back years and years."

"And he has been spotted with them since the election, as well."

"Granny Clinton was also accompanied to these furtive meetings with Trump by her campaign chairman, John Podesta.

"Mr. Podesta was himself a board member of Joule Unlimited, a Russian energy company that, according to very Reliable Sources, received one billion rubles ($35 million)
 from Vladimir Putin's Rusano two months after Podesta joined.
Maybe that's why Russia's largest bank hired The Podesta Group lobbyists."

"Podesta reaped such a windfall in Russian energy that the Kremlin
lovingly nicknamed the lanky American "Commissar Clampett".

"Since her historic election defeat, Granny Clinton has retired to Chappaqua, NY, where she spends her afternoons...nevermind; you don't want to know."

"And don't even get me started about the
technology transfers to the Russian Military by Clinton cronies at the Russian tech mecca Skolkovo.
Or how Hillary gave leverage to Putin by delivering America’s secrets right into his hands.
Reporting for CNN, this is Wolf Blitzer.
Y'all come back now--ya' hear?"

ATM-UPDATE:

"I forgot to ask--will that be cash or credit?"