MNN's Lost Weekend Report

MNN BREAKING...

* GAVIN NEWSOME CLAIMS HE DIDN'T KNOW HE HAS A WINE CELLAR IN HIS HOME, FILLED WITH 5,000 BOTTLES 

IN FAIRNESS, THE BOTTLES WERE DELIVERED BY FICTIONAL BULLET TRAIN, SO HE MAY HAVE MISSED IT

* THE U.K. HAS ORDERED ITS FLEET OF AIRCRAFT CARRIER TO PATROL THE RUSSIAN COAST WHEN THE EVINRUDE GETS OUT OF THE SHOP

THE CARRIER WILL BE SUPPORTED BY THE ROYAL SUBMARINE HMS RENT BOY, AS SOON AS THE FLEX-SEAL DRIES

Flex Seal® Commercial (2015) l Screen Door in a Boat - YouTube

* AFTER A JUDGE THREW OUT HIS CONFESSION, KHALID SHEIKH MAMDANI AGREED TO PLEAD GUILTY TO ONE COUNT OF CONSENTING TO BE HIRED BY "DIRTY" BOB MUELLER TO BOMB STUFF, WHICH CARRIES A 20-YEAR SENTENCE

KHAL WILL BE RELEASED WITH TIME SERVED, AND WILL BE NAMED MAINE'S NEXT DEMOCRAT SENATE CANDIDATE, HAVING ALREADY EDGED OUT KILMAR ABREGO GARCIA FOR THE PARTY'S PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION ALONG WITH RUNNING MATE YOSEMITE SAM

* PENCILTUCKY GOVERNOR JOSH SHAPIRO SAYS PRESIDENT TRUMP'S BLEEDING EAR IN BUTLER WAS CAUSED BY A RARE MIX OF MEASLES AND HOMELAND SECURITY BULLETS

"AND IF MITCH MCCONNELL IS DEAD, WHICH EVERYBODY KNOWS HE IS NOT, IT IS ALSO MEASLES THAT KILLED HIM, BUT IT DIDN'T BECAUSE HE'S STILL ALIVE, WHICH EVERYBODY KNOWS," SHAPIRO DIAGNOSED

"Don't look at me; I was at the Kamala Rally that day!"

* TRUMP DEPORTATIONS FORCE CLOSURE OF EAST COAST YACHT CLUB RESTAURANTS

BEFORE LABOR DAY!

“Sheldon Whitehouse Howell the Third!”
“Yes, Lovey?”
“What has that madman Trump done now? It was bad enough he stopped my USAID funding for my Oceanfront NGO. But now he’s deported all the indentured servants at our Whites Only Beach Club!” 
“It’s outrageous, Lovey! Evidently, he takes that whole “American”-thing seriously. He could have at least taken them on Thursday so we could keep their paychecks!”
“What ever shall we do, Sheldon?”
“Don’t fret, dear. I’ve hired a new boy. He’s down at the Marina, and he knows his place!”

“Mr. Whitehouse says if I don’t get any darker,

we can take a three-hour tour on his yacht, the SS Klanbake!”

* ICE ARRESTS POLITICAL PROVOCATEUR MILO YIANNOPOULOS BECAUSE OF HIS NAME

HIS LOOKS DIDN'T HELP, EITHER

Manufactured News Network: "War is a Rocket Racket!"