MNN BREAKING…
* BIDEN AGREES TO GIVE RFK JR. SECRET SERVICE PROTECTION
RFK JR.: “ON SECOND THOUGHT, I’LL TAKE MY CHANCES”
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| You can see the joy on their faces at just the mere possibility that the government might be run for the benefit of the People Rest in the Vine: Or That Time When the CIA Inserted Their Assassin Thane Eugene Cesar to Pump Three Slugs into Bobby Kennedy's Back at Point-Blank Range and Then Railroaded Their Patsy Fallguy Sirhan Sirhan Sirhan Sirhan Sirhan into Taking the Fall |
* OSHA TO FINE SECRET SERVICE FOR UNSAFE LADDER PLACEMENT
"It's inexcusable to endanger our government workers and independent contractors like that. Remember; Safety is Job #1...well, Job #2, anyway," said OSHA spokesperson Patsy Fallguy.
* TRUMP'S REGULAR SECRET SERVICE TEAM DIVERTED TO JILL BIDEN EVENT AND REPLACED WITH AGENTS FROM DEPT. OF FATHERLAND SECURITY
"That's standard agency protocol because Trump is just a former president, but Jill Biden is the current Acting President," said Secret Service spokeswoman Patsy Fallguy.
If found guilty of abetting an assassination, Doc Biden could face up to nothing.
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| A Doctorate in Dressing Herself |
* FOX'S DECISION DESK CALLS PRECINCTS AROUND LANGLEY, QUANTICO, VA FOR BIDEN
When they rant about "Democracy", this is the Bullet Box-Democracy they really mean.
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“Remember, Folks; Everybody’s a Fascist–Except the Guy Stealing Elections, Torturing Political Prisoners in Black Rendition Sites, Raiding the Homes of Opposition Leaders and Teaming Up with Multi-National Corporations to Force Experimental Injections on Unwilling Victims, then Buying Up Their Distressed Properties, Censoring their Speech and Spying on Everybody While Engineering a New Transhuman Master Race for a One-Party State!” |
* UNION OFFCIALS FILE LABOR GREIVANCE OVER SHOOTING
The Amalgamated Union of CIA Shooters and Bombers Local #666 has filed a grievance with the Federal Labor Board.
"First, they outsource our jobs to ISIS-K--and now this! Our Union Contract specifically states that TWO snipers shall be used during all CIA presidential shootings--didn't we learn anything from the Reagan failure, people? And this short-sited cost-cutting action takes food off the table of hard-working assassins and their families," said Union President Patsy Fallguy.
* FBI FIELD AGENT DEE C. PIPES-BAUMER ASSURES PUBLIC THERE WILL BE NO FBI WHITEWASH
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* PICTURED HERE: A HIGHLY EMOTIONAL DIREKTOR WRAY ASKED HIS AGENTS TO VOLUNTEER FOR THIS CERTAIN SUICIDE MISSION: HEROICALLY SCALING THE STEEP, SLICK ROOF OF THE BLACKROCK BUILDING WITHOUT MOUNTAIN-CLIMBING GEAR |
In Business News:
* The Owners of Pac-Man have obtained a Restraining Order barring the Secret Service from using their trademarked "Pac-Man Perimeter" at any future pre-scheduled shootings.
"Just connect the dots," said Pac-Man Vice-President for Marketing Patsy Fallguy.
UPDATE: CIA OFFICER B. DeNIRO CLAIMS SECRET SERVICE NOT AT FAULT BECAUSE "PAC-MAN PERIMETER"-CONFIGURATION PLACED BLACKROCK BUILDING OUTSIDE "CIRCLE OF TRUST"
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| "I'm not watching you." |
* DUE TO ENDLESS JUVENILE TAUNTS, SS DIR. KIM CHEATLES TO CHANGE HER NAME
"She now prefers to be called Kim Cheney-Crooks," said family friend Patsy Fallguy.
And On this Day in History:
VP Aaron Burr calls Joe Biden "a little punk bitch who couldn't hit the side of a barn."
Manufactured News Network: "Our Conspiracy Theories are Better Than Your Conspiracy Theories!"
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