BREAKING NOW...
* SECRET SERVICE DIRECTOR RONALD ROWE JR. SAYS HIS SNIPERS DIDN'T FIRE AT ROOFTOP JOGGER BECAUSE "AMERICANS DON'T GET ENOUGH EXERCISE AS IT IS"
NOT COUNTING THROWING LOCAL COPS UNDER THE BUS
* BIDEN APPOINTS HUNTER AS ETHICS CZAR TO WRITE CODE OF CONDUCT FOR CLARENCE THOMAS
Under the New Code, Justices Would No Longer Be Able to Take Bribes from China, Sell Secret Documents and Government Policy, Traffic Women and Children at the Border, Protect the Chinese Fentanyl Trade and Shower With Random Family Members.
However, in a Surprising Loophole, Justices Would Still be Allowed to Shoot Political Opponents in the Face.
"You can't blame a guy for that," said Biden.
“You da’ man!”
“No, YOU da’ man!”
In ENTERTAINMENT NEWS:
* NETFINX RELEASES NEW HIT FILM BY LOU SIFFER PRODUCTIONS:
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"BUTLER COUNTY JONES and the KILL BOX OF DOOM" starring Frank Marshall Davis III as the Doomed |
* BIDEN CUTS DEAL WITH MICHIGAN SUPERDELEGATE KHALID SHEIK MOHAMMED
IN EXCHANGE, HE MUST FORFEIT HIS CIA PENSION AND PROMISE TO NEVER LET "DIRTY" BOB MUELLER HIRE HIM AGAIN
Artwork by Hunter Biden J.J. Sefton
Manufactured News Network: "Broadcasting To You From High Atop the BlackRock Building in Beautiful Downtown Butler, Amongst the Joggers, Assassins and Evidence Tamperers!"
...
YOUR SERVICE IS SECRET, ALRIGHT--UPDATE:
* SECRET SERVICE SAYS THEY FAILED TO SEE THOMAS CROOKS RUNNING ACROSS ROOFTOP BECAUSE THEY WERE BUSY REHEARSING FOR NINA JANKOWICZ'S HOMELAND FOLLIES SHOW, TO CELEBRATE DIRECTOR CHEATLES' RECENT PROMOTION
Manufactured News Network: “If This Wasn’t a Whole-of-Government Assassination Conspiracy, How Would It Have Looked Any Different If It Was?”
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